Bella Copes Alone
by anney101
Summary: Bella is trying to cope alone after Edward has left her. She ends up having a breakdown, and does some stuff she may or may not later regret.


"Bella," Charlie called from the kitchen, "The pizza's here!"

I was brushing my hair in the bathroom when he called me. I didn't truly want to eat tonight. I never did anymore, but I knew Charlie had lately been worrying I was becoming anorexic or something. I sighed, before setting the brush down and reluctantly dragging myself to the kitchen.

Charlie had two pieces of pepperoni pizza on his plate. He was sitting in front of the big screen watching a baseball game. I hadn't ever been able to understand what it was about sports that got boys so excited. Isn't it just a bunch of guys running around and getting hurt? Sure there were some rules, but it didn't fascinate me in the slightest.

"The pizza's on the counter Bells," he said when he noticed I was staring. I plainly nodded and grabbed a slice and hurriedly brought it up to my room. I sighed, sitting on the bed with the slice of pizza. I bit off a bit, and swallowed. I tried another bite, but eventually gave up and through it away. I never had an appetite ever since…

I tried not to think about it. It always resulted in tears, and I was tired of having a tear stained face. Instead, I pulled out my chemistry notebook and studied the notes I had already memorized. I had nothing better to do however, so I studied them harder yet.

When I finally finished with that, I went to sleep. It was only seven o clock, but I had nothing better to do. I never did, anymore.

(dream)

_I was running, faster than most people thought possible, through a dense forest. I felt the cold air as it smashed against my face. The breeze flew past my ears, and it was all I could hear. And the smell…there was only one place I had smelled that before. I then realized I was not running at all. I was on the back of my lovely boyfriend. He had a one of a kind scent, that was more perfect than words could describe. I breathed him in, as he rushed us through the trees, only to stop abruptly at the meadow._

_"You must be thirsty," he said soothingly. I hadn't noticed before, while on his back, but now that he mentioned it, I found it was true. He knew that my smile was a nod, and rushed me over to the crystal creek rushing through the meadow. _

_After I had my drink, I could truly enjoy it here. I sun was shining on the savanna yellow grass. The meadow was almost a perfect circle, and surrounded be thick, lush, trees. I smiled at Edward, who was sparking in the sunlight, and leaned in to kiss him._

_"Oh, Bella, you must know I cannot kiss you. I cannot love you without hurting you. Surely you can see what a monster I am."_

_Staring at his sparkling skin, his welcoming, rich, butterscotch eyes, his perfect teeth through his crooked smile, I knew two things. First, he was most definitely incapable of being a monster, and two, I knew that this whole thing with Edward was too good to be true._

_Nevertheless, it upset me that he didn't want to kiss me._

_"I am sorry Bella. I need to go now. I'll never see you again. Bye."_

_I watched in shock as he ran away, and we were no longer in the meadow, but in some woods outside my house. I watched him go as long as I could, feeling the ultimate emptiness consume me._

(awake)

I woke up screaming. This was a common dream for me to have, ever since…he had left. I had sweat dripping down my face, and I soon found myself fighting tears. I hadn't cried in over a week. I hid under the covers and tried to think of anything but…him.

It was impossible. Every thought went back to him. I found myself thinking about Jessica. Jessica likes to shop. Alice likes to shop. Alice is a vampire. Edward is a Vampire. I mentally slapped myself for thinking his name. I sighed, and let myself go back and have a good cry. He had said he wouldn't leave. He had promised. I made him do so about one hundred times. He said I would probably die without him. He had this theory about how the universe had it for me. I cried hard and sank under my covers.

I remembered discovering he was a vampire. He was going down the road at 100 miles per hour, a habit I used to hate. I remembered how his eyes told his hunger, the blacker the hungrier. There were days when he had the blackest eyes, and still had the strength to be with me. I remembered how he had wrote me the most lovely lullaby on his piano. I remembered how he would sit in my room all night, while I slept, and I remembered the way his voice sang, and how the touch of his skin sent chills through my body. I remembered him saving me from the rapists, and then buying me soup. I remembered the way he looked at me, even though I am no more than average. I remembered his family. I remembered all the stuff they bought me, even though I asked for so much less. I remembered it all. Every moment we spent together.

But more importantly, I remembered the way he let me go. Edward promised me a long happy life forever. He told me it would happen. And then, Edward did something so stupid and absolutely impudent. I was all ready to live my life with him, and he took me out to the woods, and told me I would never see him again, He blatantly _chose_ to leave me. Absolutely unforgivable.

Under the covers, I realized the name no longer brought tears to my eyes. Anger. The name Edward Cullen made me angry. I angrily got out of my bed. All I wanted to do was scream. I had my life all figured out. Edward Cullen ruined everything. He told me we would be together. What the hell! I am most certainly not with that little idiot anymore.

I clenched my jaw, fighting the insistent urge to scream. I stomped down the stairs of Charlie's house, and opened my truck. The roar of the ancient piece of crap was no match for the screaming in my head. I slammed on the gas pedal and drove off, knowing exactly where to go.

When I arrived at the Cullen house I was still fuming. What a bunch of idiots. Who leaves a house uninhabited. Don't sell it or anything.

I got out of my car, and furiously smashed the door shut.

"EDWARD CULLEN! YOU ARE A LIAR! YOU ARE A JERK! YOU BEAST! YOU ARE A TRICK! WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME!"

I felt angry tears in my eyes as I screamed at nothing. I walked straight up to the house, picked up a rock, and smashed a window. Edward would never come back. This would be as close as I could ever get to payback. I picked up another rock and smashed the window again. Still insatisfied, I walked in through the broken glass and ran up to Edwards room. I began picking up all of the cds he left and cruching them under my feet.

"HAHA! HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT CULLEN? DOESN'T FEEL VERY GOOD DOES IT! DOES IT? NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!" I screamed forever, and finally, I walked back downstairs, and began crying on the couch. I was mad at Edward, and I now knew that was undeniable. But I was still in love with him. I couldn't change that.

I began sobbing on the couch. "Why?" I knew I was talking to myself, but I had to het this out of my system. "Come on, Edward. I love you. I will NEVER move on! I can't go on like this! Please don't make me go on like this!" I didn't know why I was talking to him. It was as if there was some part of me that thought Edward was sitting in the shadows, watching me suffer. I stared down at my hands. "Your hands once held these!" I shouted through my sobs. "You must realize that…that you are better than this! What sort of person does this? I love you, okay? And right now…I just wish you would come home." For some reason, I thought Edward might pop out from the darkness of his home. I sat in unreasonable anticipation. I was wrong.

I was so done with this. Edward had only been gone a month, and already, I couldn't live with myself. I couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't try and cope with life, as if it is enough. Without Edward, my life would never be enough. It would never live up to that feeling I felt with Edward. I couldn't function the same way. I was absolutely hopeless…useless. And that was the thought in my mind when I walked to the kitchen, and pulled out a steak knife. Because, if I truly had to live the rest of my life alone, then I would not be living, and it would not worth it. I was ready to die.

"Bella." Edward said.


End file.
